On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Oh no, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: "...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (And you thought?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And...I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
